


i'll tell you something (i think you'll understand)

by fiveainley_ohmy



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1, Accidental Kissing, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Vulcan Kisses, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 03:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12004539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveainley_ohmy/pseuds/fiveainley_ohmy
Summary: Five times Jim and Spock accidentally kissed, and the first time it was on purpose.





	i'll tell you something (i think you'll understand)

**The first time was angry.**

“Jim...when I feel friendship for you, I'm ashamed.”

"You've got to _hear me!_ "

The highly emotional human, at his wits’ end from trying to keep his ship together, swung out to slap his Vulcan first officer out of his distress. Instinctively, Spock reached out and caught his open palm in mid air. Their hands clasped together.

Spock's eyes widened in realization at what he'd just done. He'd  _ kissed _ his commanding officer - his greatest friend.

_ Is this the virus? _ Spock wondered, aghast.  _ Is it possible my feelings for this human extend beyond friendship? _

Unbeknownst to Jim, the Vulcan could feel every thought, every emotion in Jim's mind. Had Spock not had his mental shields up at the moment, the mental connection would have been mutual, and Jim would be able see into his mind as well. Jim was, foremost, panicking, desperately worrying about his ship and crew. But Spock could also sense many emotions directed toward  _ himself _ \- frustration, exasperation, worry, affection, protectiveness. Jim  _ wanted _ to be able to help Spock...but the ship was in danger, and Jim  _ needed _ Spock to help him save it.

Spock realized, pulling himself from the other man's mind, that Jim was ranting at him, completely unaware of Spock reading his thoughts (the mental transaction had only taken a second or two, though it felt much longer for the Vulcan).  _ Of course _ , thought Spock.  _ He does not realize the depth of Vulcan telepathy...nor the significance of this touch we are sharing now...by Surak, he has a beautiful mind... _

“We need a formula!” Jim was shouting at him. “We've got to risk implosion!”

A sharp blush rose in Spock's cheeks, and he finally released Jim’s hand. “It's never...been... _ done _ !”

* * *

**The second time was amicable.**

Jim and Spock were creeping into the Klingon base of operations on Organia to take Commander Kor hostage, which they had very little chance of succeeding in. But if Spock had faith in anything or anyone, it would be James Tiberius Kirk.

Spock administered a nerve pinch to one of the Klingon sentries they'd encountered. The Klingon fell to the ground at their feet, unconscious. “Well, what are the odds now?” Jim asked, tying his rope belt back around his waist after having used it to asphyxiate another Klingon.

“Less than seven thousand to one, Captain,” Spock answered. “It's remarkable we've got this far.”

“Less than seven thousand to one,” Jim repeated. “Well...getting better. Getting better.” Jim smiled and took a light hold of his wrist, coaxing him onward. His grasp slipped down and the tips of his fingers brushed Spock's. Spock stifled a gasp, as the brief touch projected Jim's  _ katra _ into his mind, just for an instant, like lightly patting the surface of a pool of water.

Spock sensed determination in Jim to defeat the Klingons and defend the Organians, and a small, blooming lust to exact violence on Kor and his men. This worried Spock, because his Captain was normally an advocate for peace and rationality, only using violence when absolutely necessary. But then, humans did become more brutish when their passions were running high, Spock had observed. Spock also sensed admiration - perhaps amusement? - toward him.

In the brief mental contacts he and the Captain had shared, both intentional and not, Spock had noticed a pronounced warmth that Jim associated with him. Spock had come to realize that warmth meant that Jim liked him as a person, liked being in his company. Spock found that he rather liked that warm feeling that emanated from Jim when it was directed toward him.

“Hey. Come on,” Jim whispered, tugging on his sleeve, and Spock realized he'd paused in their flight. Wordlessly, Spock took off again with his friend.

* * *

**The third time was under completely mundane circumstances.** But the experience was anything but mundane to Spock. 

The  _ Enterprise _ was investigating a pandemic on Vega IV. Spock had pointed out a new satellite, a large asteroid, circling the planet, and suggested looking into it. His probes had just brought up the results of his scans now.

Spock brought his PADD to Jim. “Here is the report on the asteroid, Captain.”

“Thank you, Mister Spock,” said Jim, mindlessly taking the PADD from him. Their hands made contact unwittingly.

_ God, Spock looks cute today _ , Jim’s voice echoed in his head.

Spock, to his credit, managed not to jump in surprise.  _ Cute? _ he wondered.  _ That is a human expression, implying attractiveness in an endearing or ‘pretty’ way. Does Jim find me ‘pretty’? _

But there was no way to tell. Their hands were no longer touching.

“Hmm...nickel, iron...radium?” Jim murmured, reading over the metallurgy report on the asteroid. “That thing’s radioactive!” Jim punched a button on his armrest. “Sickbay: Bones, could those people down there have radiation sickness?”

There was a pause, then McCoy’s Southern drawl came in over the small speaker. “ _ My God, Jim, that's it! I've been so busy testing for bacterial and viral infection, I didn't even think of radiation poisoning! _ ”

“As ever, Doctor, I am glad to have been here to ensure that your job is done,” Spock said placidly.

“ _ I've would've gotten there eventually, you overgrown elf! _ ” McCoy groused.

“I'm sure, at _some_ point, you would have," was Spock's dry, sardonic retort.

“I'm sure Spock just means he was glad to help,” said Jim, but he was grinning at Spock, chuckling silently. “Mister Sulu, get a tractor beam on that rock and tow it safely out of orbit of Vega IV.”

“Aye, sir,” Sulu replied, punching buttons on his console.

Jim smiled up at his First Officer. “As brilliant as ever, Mr. Spock.”

Spock nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

“ _ Get a room, you two _ ,” Spock overheard Sulu mutter under his breath to Chekov. Jim, with his less effective human hearing, did not notice. Spock raised an eyebrow at the helmsman's back, but said nothing.

Later on, Spock caught Lt. Uhura privately. “Lieutenant, you are our chief communications officer. You are also from Earth. Therefore, I have surmised that you the most qualified to explain to me the nuances of the English language.”

“Well yes, I suppose I am,” chuckled Uhura. “How can I help you, Mister Spock?”

Spock pursed his lips. “Lieutenant...what is the logical conclusion to draw when one hears themselves described as...‘cute’?”

Uhura smiled mischievously. “Did someone tell you that they think you're cute?”

“Not directly. It was more of an...accidental overhearing.”

“Well...” Uhura squeezed Spock's shoulder. “I'd say _somebody_ has a crush on you, Mister Spock.”

“A...crush?” Spock repeated, puzzled.

“A crush. It's...well, it's like being in love, but not quite. It's like when you first feel that way about someone. When you get a funny feeling in your stomach when you see them. When your brain goes all fuzzy when you try to talk to them. When they smile at you and your skin becomes all warm and tingly.”

“Lieutenant,” said Spock. “That sounds like the symptoms for Andorian summer flu. Not feelings of romance.”

Uhura laughed. “I suppose Vulcans don't get crushes, eh?”

“I...I do not know for certain,” Spock said, even though he  _ was _ certain he'd experienced those very sensations...when he was with Jim. “So you mean to say that... _someone_ is...infatuated with me.”

“I have no doubt he is, Mister Spock,” Uhura said with a smile as she turned away.

“I never specified the gender of this person,” Spock said after her.

“You didn't have to,” Uhura called back, before turning a corner and disappearing.

(Spock wasn't even going to ask what "get a room" meant.)

* * *

**The fourth time stemmed from a feeling of protectiveness, from wanting to reassure the other man.**

Spock surrounded his  _ katra _ with that familiar warmth he’d come to crave like a drug. After these three years together, Spock had realized that Jim was his  _ t’hy’la _ , the other half of his soul, his perfect companion. No matter what form it came in...Spock would know Jim’s mind without a second glance.

Spock pulled his hand away, and the woman before him opened her eyes, staring up at him, and Spock could see his  _ t’hy’la _ shining through them. How had he not known who she really was before? He was such a fool.

“I believe you,” said Spock.

Jim nodded. Spock detected the tension in his female shoulders lessen a bit.

“However, my belief is not acceptable evidence,” Spock warned. “Evidence must be factual. Doctor McCoy may be of help. Come with me.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” said the posted guard, stepping in front of them as Spock began to lead Jim out of the room, “but Doctor Lester cannot leave here.”

“Lieutenant,” said Spock, “we must be allowed to see Doctor McCoy.”

“You're asking me to violate the captain's orders,” argued the guard.

“He is not the captain,” Spock pointed out.

The guard puffed out his chest. “You're as mad as she is. You're to leave here at once. I follow orders.”

Spock put his hands behind his back, and began to amble toward the door casually. “Certainly, Lieutenant. We all must do our duty...”

Spock attempted a nerve pinch, but the guard was prepared and caught his hand. As Spock reached with his other one, the lieutenant called out, “Security guard!”

Spock gently squeezed the lieutenant’s shoulder and the man passed out. Jim hurried to Spock's side as Spock opened the door. Outside, the guard whipped around as they emerged. “It's quite all right, Ensign. Everything is under control...” Spock administered a nerve pinch on him as well and he fainted, just as Dr. McCoy and the fake Kirk came running up with two security officers.

Spock, without thinking, took Jim’s hand. Although his hand was now smaller, softer, Spock immediately felt the familiar touching of their minds , and for once, Spock allowed his mental barriers to slip, to project thoughts of comfort to his friend.  _ I am here, I am on your side. I will not let them harm you _ . 

Spock felt Jim give a gentle squeeze.  _ I know. Thank you, Spock. _

“Phasers,” ordered Dr. Lester to the security men.

Spock stared into her stolen eyes and wondered again how he had not known she was not his Captain. There was none of the warmth or light that Jim Kirk carried in his hazel irises. All there was was cold, dark hatred, and a manic gleam.

“A repetition of your physical violence is not called for... _ sir _ ," Spock said to the false captain pointedly.  "No physical resistance will be offered.”

Dr. Lester glared at them hatefully. But Spock was not cowed. Now that he and Jim were united against her, he knew they could defeat her.

And Spock knew Jim knew it too.

* * *

**The fifth time was the most bittersweet.**

Five years had passed remarkably quickly, in Spock's opinion, even though he knew this was illogical. Time passed exactly as fast as it was supposed to. It was only one’s perception of it that made it seem faster or slower than it really was. Still, it did seem over awfully fast...too fast.

Luckily for Spock, this kind of illogical thinking would be purged from him soon.

“I can't believe this is really it,” said Jim, standing before him. Spock was about to board the shuttle to his home world, where he would undergo  _ kolinahr _ , and rid himself of his foolish, hopeless feelings for the wondrous human before him. “You're going away, Starfleet wants to make me an admiral...what will I ever do without you, Spock? You've been my right hand for so long. I'm not sure I can even tie my shoes without you.” Jim cracked a smile, but there was no hiding the melancholy in his luminescent gold and green eyes.

“You will manage, I’m sure,” Spock said. “You are, and always shall be, one of the greatest men I have ever known, James Kirk.”

Jim gazed at him for a moment, then leaned forward and embraced him securely. Spock allowed it, knowing that he would never see the man again, and closed his eyes, absorbing the warmth of this golden man who shone brighter than any sun in the universe.

“I'll really miss you, Spock,” Jim whispered softly.

_ Oh, my beloved one _ , Spock thought to himself. _  If I stayed, would you be mine? Could you love me as deeply, as desperately as I love you? _

Jim finally pulled away, smiling sadly. “Well...it's time you got underway, I suppose.” He held out his hand. “To friendships that never end.”

Spock looked at Jim's hand briefly, then deliberately took it, holding it tight. “To friendship.”

Jim surely knew by now, after all their time together, what this signified? He had witnessed his mother and father perform the  _ ozh’esta _ , the Vulcan finger embrace, and with his sharp mind, would realize that Vulcans kiss with their hands. Did he know he was essentially giving Spock a goodbye kiss?

Whether he did or did not...Spock would relish the kiss nonetheless. One last stolen touch from the love he could not have.

Jim reluctantly let go. Spock turned and walked up the ramp into the shuttle. At the top, he turned back and held up the  _ ta’al _ . “Peace and long life,” he said.

Jim returned the gesture. “Live long and prosper.”

The shuttle door closed, separating them for good.

* * *

**The first time Spock truly and intentionally kissed his _t'hy'la_ was the happiest of all.**  

“This... _simple feeling_.” Spock slightly squeezed the warm human hand in his, projecting his feelings of affection, devotion, and unadulterated love he felt for the other man into his human mind. “...is beyond V’ger’s comprehension.”

It was a miracle, truly, that their paths would cross again. Spock realized now that he'd been a fool to try and purge himself of the love he felt for Jim - the love that he finally now realized was reciprocated.

_ I am sorry I left you. If you will have me, I will remain with you as long as I am alive. I belong at your side, my beloved, and that is where I wish to stay. _

Jim’s eyes slightly widened, overwhelmed by Spock's mental transmission. Then the hazel eyes softened, and Jim smiled warmly, finally understanding. He covered Spock's hand with his free one and continued to gaze at him with such tenderness, nodding slightly.

_ I love you, too. _


End file.
